Feedback to film proposal

Positive aspects to my pitch:

Use of terminology
Presentation style
Preparation
Use of visuals
Actors
Influences

Aspects I need to adapt:
How to shorten my pitch so it would be suitable for an exam
A marketing idea

 A shorter pitch...
Narrative: 
Equilibrium: 3 friends, Lukas, Lizzie and Darren, are on a holiday in Columiba. Lizzie and Darren are in a relationship, but Lukas also has feelings for Lizzie. (This love triangle makes the narrative multi-strand). There would be a montage near the beginning of the film, to show the three friends having fun and exploring columbia. They decide to go on a guided tour of some local caves, where a local mythical monster is said to have lived.


There is an ellipsis between the three deciding to go to the caves, and them arriving. There will be continuity to make sure the audience doesn't get confused, such as wearing the same clothes and visiting the place they were just talking about.


Disruption: A boulder brakes from the cave and blocks the entrance so the 3 friends, along with the guide and other tourists are trapped inside. They discover the monster, and have to find their way back to the top of the caves, whilst not being killed by the monster. The caves start to fill with water, adding to the urgency and creating suspense. Darren (the boyfriend) is killed, along with the guide and some other tourists, so it is ledt to Lukas to get the group out safely. This means there are closed narratives for some of the characters, e.g. Darren, as they have been killed.


Resolution: When the group finally make it to the top, they call for help through a walkie-talkie, whilst trying to move the boulder themselves. Help from outside manages to blast through the boulder.


Restoration: The group are saved, and stumble back out into society, traumatised. It is mostly a closed narrative, as the monster had been defeated. However, there is an open narrative concerning Lukas and Lizzie's relationship; it is left unknown as to whether they will become a couple.

A marketing idea...
As well as the generic, poster-trailer-website marketing campaign, my film will have something else. There will be a blog, on which the princess of the story, Lizzie, writes updates and little stories. This gives the audience an insight into the characters and some of their backstory. There would also be photos and videos uploaded (of the 3 friends exploring Columbia and the rest of their holiday - before the caving), and the audience would be encouraged to upload their own holiday photographs and videos. There would be competitions, e.g. for the funniest photograph, which the winner would win a prize, perhaps a trip to the resort where the 3 fictional friends stay, or a chance to go caving. This blog would be active for a couple of weeks before the release of the film, to create hype and get the audience involved and excited. There would be a post by Lizzie explaining how they are a bout to go caving. There might be one afterwards, once they are stuck e.g. "Help, we're stuck! Get us out!". Obviously, they wouldn't have a computer with them, but this would spark interest on the blog and with the audience and encourage them to see the film to find out how it works out.